Then Sings My Soul Special Edition By Robert Morgan

Due to some changes in my life, I had been putting off to review the latest book I got from BookSneeze.com for a few months already.  This is a compilation of 150 Christmas, Easter and all-time favorite hymns, recounting on how the author was led to write these wonderful seasonal hymns.

I have a mixed feeling reading through this book.  I think I am expecting the book contains amusing and touching anecdotes about the creation of those hymns.  However, what I found is the contains are too factual for my liking.  It has the feeling of reading a history book.  Although, it is good that the book provide great source of facts regarding the hymns, I would only treat it as a reference book.  It would be hard for me to write through it again the second time.

Disclosure of Material Connection: I received this book free from the publisher through the BookSneeze.com book review bloggers program. I was not required to write a positive review. The opinions I have expressed are my own.

Who Am I - Casting Crowns

This is one of a few songs that always get me teary whenever I listen to it.  I can't help but being drawn and immerse myself in the lyrics and each time it reminded me how fortunate I am to has the LORD love me so so much, no matter how unworthy I am.



Who am I
That the Lord of all the earth,
Would care to know my name,
Would care to feel my hurt.
Who am I
That the bright and morning star,
Would choose to light the way,
For my ever wandering heart.

Bridge:
Not because of who I am,
But because of what you've done.
Not because of what I've done,
But because of who you are.

Chorus:
I am a flower quickly fading,
Here today and gone tomorrow,
A wave tossed in the ocean,
A vapor in the wind.
Still you hear me when I'm calling,
Lord, you catch me when I'm falling,
And you've told me who I am.
I am yours.
I am yours.

Who am I
That the eyes that see my sin
Would look on me with love
And watch me rise again.
Who am I
That the voice that calmed the sea,
Would call out through the rain,
And calm the storm in me.

Not because of who I am,
But because of what you've done.
Not because of what I've done,
But because of who you are.

I am a flower quickly fading,
Here today and gone tomorrow,
A wave tossed in the ocean,
A vapor in the wind.
Still you hear me when I'm calling,
Lord, you catch me when I'm falling,
And you've told me who I am.
I am yours.

Not because of who I am,
But because of what you've done.
Not because of what I've done,
But because of who you are.

I am a flower quickly fading,
Here today and gone tomorrow,
A wave tossed in the ocean,
A vapor in the wind.
Still you hear me when I'm calling,
Lord, you catch me when I'm falling,
And you've told me who I am.
I am yours.
I am yours.
I am yours.

Whom shall I fear
Whom shall I fear
Cause I am yours..
I am yours..

He Will Find You

John Powell a professor at Loyola University in Chicago writes about a student in his Theology of Faith class named Tommy:

Some twelve years ago, I stood watching my university students file into the classroom for our first session in the Theology of Faith. That was the first day I first saw Tommy. My eyes and my mind both blinked. He was combing his long flaxen hair, which hung six inches below his shoulders.

It was the first time I had ever seen a boy with hair that long. I guess it was just coming into fashion then. I know in my mind that it isn’t what’s on your head but what’s in it that counts; but on that day I was unprepared and my emotions flipped.

I immediately filed Tommy under "S" for strange ... very strange. Tommy turned out to be the "atheist in residence" in my Theology of Faith course. He constantly objected to, smirked at, or whined about the possibility of an unconditionally loving Father-God. We lived with each other in relative peace for one semester, although I admit he was for me at times a serious pain in the back pew.

When he came up at the end of the course to turn in his final exam, he asked in a slightly cynical tone: "Do you think I’ll ever find God?"

I decided instantly on a little shock therapy. "No!" I said very emphatically.

"Oh," he responded, "I thought that was the product you were pushing."

I let him get five steps from the classroom door and then called out: "Tommy! I don’t think you’ll ever find him, but I am absolutely certain that He will find you!" He shrugged a little and left my class and my life.

I felt slightly disappointed at the thought that he had missed my clever line: "He will find you!" At least I thought it was clever. Later I heard that Tommy had graduated and I was duly grateful.

Then a sad report, I heard that Tommy had terminal cancer. Before I could search him out, he came to see me. When he walked into my office, his body was very badly wasted, and the long hair had all fallen out as a result of chemotherapy. But his eyes were bright and his voice was firm, for the first time, I believe. "Tommy, I’ve thought about you so often. I hear you are sick!" I blurted out.

"Oh, yes, very sick. I have cancer in both lungs. It’s a matter of weeks."

"Can you talk about it, Tom?"

"Sure, what would you like to know?"

"What’s it like to be only twenty-four and dying?"

"Well, it could be worse."

"Like what?"

"Well, like being fifty and having no values or ideals, like being fifty and thinking that booze, seducing women, and making money are the real ‘biggies’ in life."

I began to look through my mental file cabinet under "S" where I had filed Tommy as strange. (It seems as though everybody I try to reject by classification God sends back into my life to educate me.)

But what I really came to see you about," Tom said, " is something you said to me on the last day of class." (He remembered!) He continued, "I asked you if you thought I would ever find God and you said, ‘No!’ which surprised me. Then you said, ‘But he will find you.’ I thought about that a lot, even though my search for God was hardly intense at that time. (My "clever" line. He thought about that a lot!) But when the doctors removed a lump from my groin and told me that it was malignant, then I got serious about locating God. And when the malignancy spread into my vital organs, I really began banging bloody fists against the bronze doors of heaven.

But God did not come out. In fact, nothing happened. Did you ever try anything for a long time with great effort and with no success? You get psychologically glutted, fed up with trying. And then you quit.

Well, one day I woke up, and instead of throwing a few more futile appeals over that high brick wall to a God who may be or may not be there, I just quit. I decided that I didn’t really care ... about God, about an afterlife, or anything like that. "I decided to spend what time I had left doing something more profitable. I thought about you and your class and I remembered something else you had said: ‘The essential sadness is to go through life without loving. But it would be almost equally sad to go through life and leave this world without ever telling those you loved that you had loved them.’ "So I began with the hardest one: my Dad. He was reading the newspaper when I approached him."

"Dad". . .

"Yes, what?" he asked without lowering the newspaper.

"Dad, I would like to talk with you."

"Well, talk."

"I mean. .. It’s really important."

The newspaper came down three slow inches. "What is it?"

"Dad, I love you. I just wanted you to know that." Tom smiled at me and said with obvious satisfaction, as though he felt a warm and secret joy flowing inside of him: "The newspaper fluttered to the floor. Then my father did two things I could never remember him ever doing before. He cried and he hugged me.

And we talked all night, even though he had to go to work the next morning. It felt so good to be close to my father, to see his tears, to feel his hug, to hear him say that he loved me. "It was easier with my mother and little brother. They cried with me, too, and we hugged each other, and started saying real nice things to each other. We shared the things we had been keeping secret for so many years. I was only sorry about one thing: that I had waited so long. Here I was just beginning to open up to all the people I had actually been close to.

"Then, one day I turned around and God was there. He didn’t come to me when I pleaded with him. I guess I was like an animal trainer holding out a hoop, ‘C’mon, jump through.’ ‘C’mon, I’ll give you three days .. .three weeks.’ Apparently God does things in his own way and at his own hour. "But the important thing is that he was there. He found me.

You were right. He found me even after I stopped looking for him."

"Tommy," I practically gasped, "I think you are saying something very important and much more universal than you realize. To me, at least, you are saying that the surest way to find God is not to make him a private possession, a problem solver, or an instant consolation in time of need, but rather by opening to love. You know, the Apostle John said that. He said God is love, and anyone who lives in love is living with God and God is living in him.’ Tom, could I ask you a favor? You know, when I had you in class you were a real pain. But (laughingly) you can make it all up to me now. Would you come into my present Theology of Faith course and tell them what you have just told me? If I told them the same thing it wouldn’t be half as effective as if you were to tell them."

"Oooh . . . I was ready for you, but I don’t know if I’m ready for your class."

"Tom, think about it. If and when you are ready, give me a call." In a few days Tommy called, said he was ready for the class, that he wanted to do that for God and for me. So we scheduled a date. However, he never made it.

He had another appointment, far more important than the one with me and my class. Of course, his life was not really ended by his death, only changed.

He made the great step from faith into vision. He found a life far more beautiful than the eye of man has ever seen or the ear of man has ever heard or the mind of man has ever imagined.

Before he died, we talked one last time. "I’m not going to make it to your class," he said.

"I know, Tom."

"Will you tell them for me? Will you . . . tell the whole world for me?"

"I will, Tom. I’ll tell them. I’ll do my best."

So, to all of you who have been kind enough to hear this simple statement about love, thank you for listening. And to you, Tommy, somewhere in the sunlit, verdant hills of heaven: "I told them, Tommy . ... ...as best I could."

Really Woolly Bible Stories By DaySpring

I have been waiting anxiously for this book and finally it came! Hooray!!! When I saw this book available for review, I immediately request for it without a second thought, as I fall in love with the cute cover right away.  The other reason is, I had been trying quite sometimes now, to find suitable Bible stories-related books for Iggy.  Therefore, I would not want to miss the chance to get this Really Woolly Bible Stories By DaySpring from BookSneeze.com

So here we go.  Following is the description from BookSneeze.com :

Favorite Bible stories presented with the beloved Really Woolly art style help little children discover that God is faithful and true and that Jesus, The Good Shepherd, loves them.

This case-bound padded board book from the Really Woolly® brand by DaySpring® makes it easy to share important stories from God’s Word with little children, while teaching them about God’s shepherd-like love for them. Bible stories include Creation, Noah, Abraham, Moses, the Ten Commandments, Joseph, Samson, Daniel, David and Goliath, Jonah, Jesus’ Birth, Jesus Loves the Little Children, Jesus Feeds 5,000, Jesus the Good Smaraitan, Jesus Walks on Water, Jesus’ Death & Resurrection, The Great Commission. Little ones will love the charming Really Woolly® illustrations.

Illustrations by Julie Sawyer Phillips. Stories retold by Bonnie Rickner Jensen.

Product details:

• Format:  Padded Board Book
• Trim Size:  5.30 in x 7.10 in x 1 in
• Page Count:  36 pages

It is a soft-padded board book and color of the book is soft purplish.  In fact, the color is so soft that at first I thought it is white in color.  Each Bible stories in the book are presented in two-page spread, where on one side, the stories are told in poem form with little Really Woolly characters doing something related to the stories together and on the other sides  is the cartoon-style illustrations.

I am really happy with this book as Iggy loves it.  He usually follows me around the house when I am doing some chores.  On the day when we first get the book, he brought the book to the kitchen where I was at, occupied with preparing his food, and settled himself down on the kitchen floor, flipping through the book.

I try to cultivate the love to read in Iggy.  Whenever I can, I would try to get him sitting on my lap with me holding a book in front of him and read to him.  He usually gets impatient with me and tried to flip through the book without waiting for me to point out the pictures in the pages.  The first time when I tried to read Really Woolly Bible Stories to him, he is his old self.  Getting impatient and tried to flip through the book as he likes.  However, as the stories in the poem format are real short I was able to picked up a few keywords and pointed out something in the pictures.  The next time, when I tried to read the stories to him, he actually exhibits more patience and able to let me pointed out more stuffs to him.  By the third time, he is actually looked for the Really Woolly characters and pointed them out to me.  Whoa! That's a real improvement for Iggy!

If I not mistaken this book is appropriate for children age 4 - 8.  Iggy is actually way too young to fully understand the book.  However, I would not worry too much about that.  At this age, all I want to teach Iggy is to love and appreciate books.  It does not matter if he does not understands even a word from the book.  As long as he loves the book, I am happy with it.

There are a few features of the book that I truly loves.  For one, it is the size and weight of the book.  The size is just right for toddler like Iggy and it is also light enough for him to carry around easily.   Secondly, under the cartoon-style illustrations, there are scripture reference that tells you where to find the story in the Bible.  Lastly, the book closes with poem-format prayer for children, that shows the Really Woolly characters tucked in for the night.

Disclosure of Material Connection: I received this book free from the publisher through the BookSneeze.com book review bloggers program. I was not required to write a positive review. The opinions I have expressed are my own.

Outlive Your Life by Max Lucado

This is my first Max Lucado's book (Lucado's children book previously does not count :)).  And I am proud to say that, this is one of a few spiritual growth books that I cannot wait to finish it as soon as I started to read a few pages of the book!

"We are created by a great God to do great works. He invites us to outlive our lives, not just in heaven, but here on earth."  Made to make a difference, that is the theme of this book.  With each chapter, Lucado is showing his readers how to outlive our life by referring to the book of Acts, learning from the early churches.

I like the way this book is written in an easy and conversational tone.  While it is written in layman terms without the fancy theological jargons, it is also very thought-provoking and motivating.  I also appreciate the effort to include the Question and Discussion session for each chapter, to further encourage the reader to think deeply what he or she can do to make a difference.

Disclosure of Material Connection: I received this book free from the publisher through the BookSneeze.com book review bloggers program. I was not required to write a positive review. The opinions I have expressed are my own. I am disclosing this in accordance with the Federal Trade Commission’s 16 CFR, Part 255 :“Guides Concerning the Use of Endorsements and Testimonials in Advertising.”

One Hand, Two Hands By Max Lucado

Finally my second book from BookSneeze had arrived.   The author of this book is Max Lucado and it is illustrated by Gaby Hansen.  This is a charming children book with cheery and colorful illustrations, which teaches children many ways of using their hand in their daily activities to express their helpfulness, kindness and loving nature.

I am really excited to receive this book, as I ordered it specifically for Iggy.  Although he is too young to appreciate the book, he shows excitement upon seeing the new book and he also enjoys flipping through the book.  I, personally, like the illustrations.  It is cheery and colorful and most of all its gives a warm and happy feeling to the reader.

However, I prefer the book without its book jacket.  For Iggy, the book jacket actually gets in the way when he try to flip open the book.  I think it is only a matter of time before he accidentally tear it in his attempts to flip the book open.

Disclosure of Material Connection: I received this book free from the publisher through the BookSneeze.com book review bloggers program. I was not required to write a positive review. The opinions I have expressed are my own. I am disclosing this in accordance with the Federal Trade Commission’s 16 CFR, Part 255 :“Guides Concerning the Use of Endorsements and Testimonials in Advertising.”

Permission to Speak Freely By Anne Jackson

The gift of going second, that's is what Anne Jackson's precious gift to the reader.  By sharing her own addictions and brokenness, she ultimately open the door to topics which previously kept in the dark in the Christian communities.  Issues which are taboo before, now are more readily to be openly discuss.   This in turn contribute to more people being freed and reconnected with God.

I have a mixed feeling about this book when I first started reading it.  As part of the title says "Essays and Art on Fear, Confession, and Grace", I am consciously looking for compilation of articles shared by different people.  However, what I found is Anne's personal sharing throughout the book, mixed with different type of medias, such as sketches, photographs, postcards, poems which double as illustrations for the book.

Once, I got pass my earlier assumption, I began to enjoy the book.  I also appreciate Anne's effort for not turning this book into a typical self-help book, as if all the problems in our life can be categorized into particular category and can be solved by Step 1, Step 2, Step 3 ... etc.  Life is much much more complicated than that.

Disclosure of Material Connection: I received this book free from the publisher through the BookSneeze.com book review bloggers program. I was not required to write a positive review. The opinions I have expressed are my own. I am disclosing this in accordance with the Federal Trade Commission’s 16 CFR, Part 255 :“Guides Concerning the Use of Endorsements and Testimonials in Advertising.”

Great News For A Change!

Yesterday, I received a good news, great news, in fact .. hahaha

A friend delivered safely. Both mother and daughter are in great condition.

After the bad news, I'm kinda apprehensive towards childbirth's news. Furthermore, this friend of mine, has a lot of complications during her pregnancy, diabetes, hypertension and oligohydramnios (low amniotic fluid).

Anyway, after been induced, she delivered naturally yesterday.

LORD, thank you for listening lots of lots of prayers offered up for her!

一個小生命結束了

Thanks for stopping by.  For those of you who don't understand Chinese, I'm sorry.  It's not my intention to make life difficult for you nor try to be secretive.  When I brooding over something, I prefer to write in Mandarin, which is my preferred spoken language, whereas, in fact, I have better command in English in written form than Mandarin.

今天收到了一個坏消息
同事剛出世沒多久的嬰孩過世了。。。
這消息對我來說簡直是晴天霹靂

一直相信這孩子會沒事的，可能剛開始時會一點麻煩
但最終會健康茁壯的成長，就像小軒一樣
哪知道。。。

回家的路上哭得好傷心
說真的我跟他的父母的交情其實並不怎麽樣
可能是當我得知他媽媽懷他的過程出狀況后，
有替他們母子禱告，所以感覺到特別親切吧。。。

本來買來要送給他的小衣服排不上用場了。。。

我不敢說我了解他們現在的心情
但至少我可以體會到失去孩子的滋味

主啊！求你安撫那悲傷的心！

The Day Iggy Was Born

Prologue

With previous case of ectopic pregnancy experience and with my petite build, I was always been told that I might not being able to deliver naturally.  However, I kept praying and hoping that I would be able delivered naturally.  And I also prayed that when the time comes, the doctors will know what is best for me and for my baby, be it naturally or Cesarean.

The Countdown

June 08, 2009		Having on of my regular checkup at the clinic. Everything is good.  (Baby: 33 weeks + 5 days)
June 09, 2009		Just finishing my lunch with my colleague when suddenly I felt water trickle down my legs. I'm thinking, "... I think my water broke ...". Returning to office, told HR I'm taking EL, packed, drove about 40 mins back to my home. While driving, made a few phone calls and informed hubby to get back immediately and drove me to hospital. Reached home, packed hospital bag. Hubby reached home while I'm packing. Drove to GH around 2 pm plus.  After waiting and checkup, I finally get admitted at around 4 pm plus.  Diagnosis was my water did not actually broke but it was leaking and continued to leak. After strapping me to a machine to monitor baby's heartbeat and found out that baby is ok. They decided to try to delay the delivery. In the mean time, I was given injections of corticosteroid, which accelerates the maturity of my baby's lungs. Thus, I stayed at the hospital until "further" notice.  (Baby: 33 weeks + 6 days)
June 10, 2009		The day passed uneventfully. Check for baby's heart beat, my temperature and blood pressure, routinely 6 times a day, round the clock even in 4 am in the morning. Ultrasound in the morning. Looking good, amniotic level still ok, despite the leaking. By the way, I was still leaking on and off.  Been warning to monitor carefully for my raise of temperature and the changes in the color and odor of amniotic fluid, which are indications for infection. (Baby: 34 weeks)
June 11, 2009		Another uneventfully day. More routine checkup. Still leaking on and off. My backbone started to complain for laying too long on the uncomfortable hospital bed. (Baby: 34 weeks + 1 day)
June 14, 2009		Routine checkup. Ultrasound. Amniotic fluid level dropped. Still leaking on and off. Doctor considered induced labor. Extremely bored. (Baby: 34 weeks + 4 days)
June 15, 2009		Routine checkup. Will be induced tomorrow. Back pain was killing me, getting worse. Really hope to get it over with as soon as possible. 9 pm plus, I am having a fever. Not good, sign of infection. Can't wait until tomorrow to be induced, had to perform Cesarean immediately!! (Baby: 34 weeks + 5 days)

The Moment

They prepared to wheel me to the delivery room. The doctor in charged discussed my situation with her head through the phone. For some reason, she quite reluctant to perform Cesarean on me. Cesarean will be the last resort

She checked me. Then she exclaimed excitedly to the nurses. "She is 5 cm dilated! Yes! No need Cesarean!". Should I didn't have the intense lower back pain, I would have joked with her, "How come you are more excited than me??". By that time, I'm feverish and the back pain intensify. Then it just hits me, what I thought of as back pain from uncomfortable bed was actually sign of labor, back labor. The nurse confirmed my thought by telling me that I having contractions.

They wheeled me to the delivery room. It was 10:02 pm. On the way, I called my hubby.  I hooked up on the IV and got a jab on the butt.  I don't know what it is.  Should be some kind of painkiller and also a gas mask should I need it.  I asked hubby to rub my lower back and it really help to lessen the discomfort with each intensify contractions.  To cut it short, Iggy entered the world at 1:58 am :).  He was whisked to NICU before I even got a chance to take a look at him :(

Epilogue

I was discharged the following day, without Ig.  He had to stay at NICU for about a week and 2 more weeks at GH Pediatric Institute.  By the time he came home, he was 3 weeks old.

 

Ignatius @ 1 day old ; Weight @ 1.92 kg ; Length @44 cm

Ignatius @ 10 mths+ ; Weight @ 7 kg+ ; Height @ 68 cm

Looking at Iggy, looking back, I still got a lot of things to be thankful for.  Those are the tiny little pieces of life that may looks like nothing at all but added those tiny pieces up, it's really mounted up.  Most of all I am thankful that God sent us Ignatius as He promised!

給小Joseph的信

Thanks for stopping by. For those of you who don't understand Chinese, I'm sorry. It's not my intention to make life difficult for you nor try to be secretive. When I brooding over something, I prefer to write in Mandarin, which is my preferred spoken language, whereas, in fact, I have better command in English in written form than Mandarin.

Originally written on September 26, 2008 4:37 PM

親愛的小Joseph，
你好嗎？
天堂好不好玩啊
有沒有乖啊

要乖哦
不要給耶穌還有天父惹麻煩哦
祂們為爸爸媽媽，叔叔姨姨的事
已經夠煩了

你知道嗎
你靜悄悄的來
又靜悄悄的走了
我還來不及意識到你的存在
卻要被附著失去你的痛

邏輯告訴我
我還不認識你就失去你
那個痛應該沒那麽深
可能罷。。。
但是我想到你的時候
還是忍不住會心痛，傷心，流淚

我問爸爸
我爲什麽那麽傷心
爸爸說
可能這就是作爲一個媽媽的心吧

我想我可能一輩子都忘不了你
但我希望那個痛會隨著時間而淡化

小Joseph，
請原諒媽媽無法把你帶到這世界
我一直很自責是否事情發生是因我的疏忽。。。

你要為爸爸媽媽加油哦！

愛你的媽媽

ps. 爸爸也很愛你哦

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

後記：

離上一篇的經歷已經一年多了
這一年多來，對所發生的我沒有多想
只是偶爾感到傷心可惜心痛

最近又為這事流淚了
其實我不知道我到底爲什麽流淚
可能爲著小Joseph無法來到這世上，感到可惜
可能爲著我和老公失去爲人父母的機會，感到可惜
可能這事所到來的影響比我想象中還大
不過值得安慰的是書上所建議的醫治步驟
在我未意識到是時候老公已經幫我做了

雖讓我們不知道他的性別
但老公得到的感動是男的
所以我們給他取名Joseph
我們也請求耶穌親自帶領Joseph回天家 。。。

A Belated Thankgiving

Originally written on August 09, 2007 12:43 PM

July 2007 is a special month for me.  I encountered the closest a-brush-with-death experience yet...

On the evening of 8th of July, after I finished my work, around 8:30pm, my stomach didn't felt very good.  I didn't give it a much thought, thinking it's just some stomachache caused by indigestion.  After dinner the stomachache still didn't went away.  Hubby wanted to take me to clinic.  However, I insisted I'll be ok, there is nothing to worry about.  Since the pain was in lower left abdominal area, we ruled out the pain was caused by appendicitis.  During the night, I had been waken up by the pain several times.

The next day the stomachache still hadn't lessen.  I took an MC leave and let hubby drove me to clinic for check-up.  Well, the doctor didn't came out with any contradictory diagnosis.  She also suspected the stomachache might caused by indigestion.  After obtained the prescribed medicine, I went back home and hubby went to work.  I slept for the whole day until hubby came back home from work at around 6pm.  During that time, the pain became more severed.  I began to had a severe, sharp and sudden pain at the middle of the lower abdominal area.  At the beginning, I also had a mild cramping sensation at the right side of my abdominal.  Towards the evening, the cramping became more severe until I can't even lay down without cramping.  I also fainted during the day.  For how long, I have no idea.  My guess is, shouldn't be more than a few minutes.  When hubby came back and saw my condition, he insisted to drive me to clinic again.  This time I didn't protested.  While leaving home, once again I fainted.  After a few minutes, I regained my conscious and went to the clinic.

At the clinic, after accessed my conditions, the doctor advised us to go to the hospital immediately.  Then she proceeded to write a recommendation letter stating that this is an emergency case.  She recommended us to go to Gleneagles.  However, since Tawakal is closer, hubby planned to take me to Tawakal instead.  While getting into the car, a church mate was passed by, therefore, hubby immediately requested for her help to accompany us to hospital.  On the way to the hospital, hubby remembered we got a friend working at GH.  After gave her a call and asked her advice, she advised us to go to GH and furthermore, her shift would be over soon and she can help out.  Thus, we changed our direction to GH.

At the hospital, although we had letter from the doctor, I still had to wait around half an hour for my turn to see the doctor.  During that time, I could saw that hubby was very nervous about the whole ordeal.  All I did at that time, was tried to relax and braced myself for the next wave of cramping.  Finally, it was my turn.  After a brief check up, I was wheeled into a lab to had my blood and urine taken for further check up.  Luckily, my friend who works at GH was there to help up.  I think because of her, my check up had been speeded up considerably.

After the check up, I was diagnosed with ectopic pregnancy.  I also had internal bleeding as the area of the ectopic pregnancy ruptured.  To stop blood loss, a surgery was required immediately.  According to hubby, I was in the operation room for about 4 hours.  He waited outside the operation room until around 3am.  During the surgery, I was given anesthesia which put me into a deep sleep.  I had no recollections about anything happening in the operation room.

The next morning, I had been told by the doctor that final diagnosis of my condition is rupture of left fallopian tube caused by ectopic pregnancy.  I also had loss a total of 1.2L of blood.  My nurse friend also told us that the operation that I gone through is a major surgery.  To spare us the worry, she didn't told us before the surgery.

---

An afterthought...

Through this ordeal, once again I experienced the grace and love of our Heavenly Father.  Moreover, there are a lot of things that I am thankful for His grace and mercy.

I'm thankful that this ordeal didn't occurred any time sooner:  Should it happened during my trip to Sipadan, which was a week before, I can't imagine the situation.

I'm thankful that He sent a lot of angels to help us:  For the friend who just happened to pass by our car.  For friend who works at GH.  For doctors and nurses who diagnosed and operated me.  For my mother-in-law who endured 4 hours of bus ride, at the moment of notice, just to make sure that I'm ok.  For my own parents and relatives, although they can't physically be there, they showed their loves and supports thru constant phone calls.  For all the brothers and sisters, Catholics and Protestants alike, who prayed for me or visited me at the hospital or at home.  Most of all, for my caring and loving husband, who takes care of all my meals while I recuperate.

I'm thankful that He helped hubby to make a right decision to send me to GH:  Should I admitted to any private hospital, its blood bank may not has enough supplies of blood to fulfill my need.  Furthermore, we might not be able to afford the medical cost as ectopic pregnancy is not a disease, thus it's not covered by insurance.

I'm thankful that with the help of the Father, I'm able to go through this without fear:  Actually, I'm quite amazed at myself.  Even in pain, while I still didn't knew what happened to me or in the operation room waiting to be operate, I felt peaceful at all time.  I might not knew the outcome, but one thing I knew with certainty, is that I going to be ok.  I still remember the only prayer I made was, "Lord, could it be less painful".

I'm thankful that He help me to heal both physically and spiritually:  I can't help feeling sad whenever I think of our would-be child, (Catholic believed life begins at the moment of conception).  However, I feel better, knowing that our little Joseph is in the hand of our loving Father...